Sale! Sale! Sale!

April 1, 2021

Dr. Arnie’s Fiddle-4-Fun Emporium announces:

SALE ON STRADIVARIUS VIOLINS! TODAY ONLY!

Think of it. You’ve always wanted a Stradivarius but could never afford one. Today, and today only, these remarkable violins are now on sale at the unbelievably low price of $29.95. You heard that right, folks, only $29.95.

Unlike 17^th and 18^th century Stradivarius instruments constructed of fragile and undependable wood, the new models are made of the highest quality plastic and are unbreakable and washing machine safe. And these incredible violins are pre tuned at the factory so that, unless you’re some kind of fussbudget, you’ll never have to tune again.

Although quality of sound is a subjective matter, the carrying power of these magnificent instruments is definitely not. In legendary Carnegie Hall, a violinist playing the opening bars of Brahms Violin Concerto on one of our Stradivarius models, shattered wine glasses next door at the Russian Tea Room (to the great consternation of its Maitre D’).

But wait! For the amazingly low price of $29.95, we’ll throw in another Stradivarius at no extra charge. Just imagine. You and your best pal can play Bach’s Double Violin Concerto on matching Stradivarius instruments. (Warning: Wine glasses in your entire neighborhood may break).

Each instrument comes with a handsomely framed certificate of ownership stating the place of manufacture (Cremona, New Jersey), and the robot “luthier” who oversaw production. You may want to impress your friends by hanging this attractive certificate on the wall.

As a further inducement, we offer you absolutely free of charge the opportunity to hand in your old Stradivarius violin. After three hundred years of use, you’ve undoubtedly noticed the instrument’s nicks, repaired cracks, and worn varnish. Performing on such an unattractive looking violin can be embarrassing and detrimental to your professional career. But not to worry. We’ll find a suitable home for the old thing.

If Antonio Stradivarius, slaving away at his workbench year after year, had only known about these technological advances, he might have thrown away his tools and become a hot real estate agent.

But never mind Antonio. These dream violins can’t be purchased just anywhere. They are not sold at Walmart, Target, Walgreens, BestBuy, or Shmulka Bernstein’s. Only at Dr. Arnie’s Fiddle-4-Fun Emporium can you take advantage of this once in a lifetime sale of a genuine plastic Stradivarius violin for the sensational price of $29.95.

There are only 250,000 Stradivarius violins remaining in stock so, take Dr. Arnie’s advice and before it’s too late, hurry, hurry, hurry to the Fiddle-4-Fun Emporium. The fiddles are selling like hot cakes.

Comments

From Rohan on April 1, 2021

Mr. Steinhardt, are you selling your Storioni violin? I saw a Storioni violin for sale in a NM violin shop.
From Tom Farrell on April 1, 2021

I’ll take a dozen. Sorry, no trade.
From Nan on April 1, 2021

Well well well, Arnie, you fooled us before we could fool you with one of our tricky birthday promises. (Your’s is a joke, right? Arnie’s fiddle 4 Fun is not really the place to trade in my decrepit old Strad viola. Eh?) One thing for sure is that I know we can all agree that your birthday today is no joke. Thank the heavens we have had the unbelievable good fortune and pleasure to hear your music, hear your stories – music and otherwise -, read your interesting blogs, and share your friendship, and all because of this iconic date of April 1, how many years ago? (I could
Look it up – haha). No joke, happy birthday, and indefatigable measures of love and best wishes on this beautiful Santa Fe day to you!! From, Nan, Dave, Annie, Scott, Pippa and Leonard
From Nan Newton on April 1, 2021

Well well well, Arnie, you gave us the joke before any of your fans beat you to it on this April 1st day of your birthday. (Or I’m assuming your’s was a joke, and I will continue looking to trade in my ancient Strad viola somewhere other than at Dr Arnie’s Fiddle- 4- Fun Emporium). I want to declare here, however that what isn’t a joke is that on this iconic day a few or so decades ago, the world was blessed with a great violinist, a brilliant story teller, fascinating writer, lemon surprise pancake maker, great friend, and all in all a fantastic human being. So, Happy Birthday, Arnold! We send you immeasurable amounts of love and best wishes on this beautiful day of your birthday in Santa Fe. No joke! xoxo Nan, Dave, Annie, Scott, Pippa and Leonard
From Christine (Bock) Howard on April 1, 2021

Sounds like a real deal! But only if you throw in ten free lessons and a certificate of satisfactory accomplishment.
From Wendy Noyes on April 1, 2021

I’ll take 10 and trade-in all my grandfather’s old fiddles.
Oh and I’ll take 20 of the free bows you forgot to mention!
Great deal! Can’t wait to hear your new recording on one of these!!
Oh and have a great day!!!
Your pal,
Wendy
From Harvey S Traison on April 1, 2021

Is shipping included? hahahahaha
From rosemary perkins on April 1, 2021

Wow, this price can’t be beat. I’ll take a dozen! Maybe you could manage a little discount on a bow since it’s a bulk purchase…?
From Margot Blum Schevill on April 1, 2021

Love it. I’d love to hear one of these Strads.

Thanks,

Margot Blum Schevill
From Ann M Coulston on April 1, 2021

April Fool!
From Suzy Van Camp on April 1, 2021

But do they come in colors?
From NYMike on April 1, 2021

Also in the news: Disney has purchased the MET Opera, planning to use its production techniques to eliminate all live singers, musicians and backstage personnel with its world-class animation ability.
From Barbara Field on April 1, 2021

barbarafield9@gmail.com I was sure you were going to end with some kind of “April Fool!,” but no you were serious.
And I’ve been meaning to tell you how much I enjoyed hearing you talk about the Guarneri during CMS’ virtual salute. So many memories, even for me, a non-participant. But I was around at Marlboro the summer you got together. When next in NYC are you ready to go back to the 2nd Ave Deli? Much love to you and Dorothea.
From Jeff Eidelman on April 1, 2021

Jefffe@sbcglobal.net
I’ll take a dozen!
From Justin Kagan on April 1, 2021

Miss you Arnold! I made sure to roast a coffee “Stradivarius” because it connotes depth, craftsmanship, Italy, oh well. You have dashed my marketing department utterly. Take care!
From Lavinia Adler on April 1, 2021

Happy April Fool’s Day to you, too! : -)
From Judah L. Rosner on April 1, 2021

Dear Arnold, You gotta be kidding. For just $5 more, you can get a genuine synthetic Amati from Amazoni with an endorsement from the Guarneri Trio, a group who never heard of you.

Since you know Schmulka Bernstein, do you remember their advertising jingle?

Eins, eins, eins
Drei mul eins,
Smulka Bernstein hut
die bestest kusherst meat.
From Judith Mitrani on April 1, 2021

Happy April Fool’s day to you too?? Loved it. It took me until the last paragraph to figure out what day it was, since now that I have retired, as you probably well no, I’m not sure what day it is unless I have a doctors appointment since there are no more concert tickets to keep track of or opera tickets or pre-purchase tickets to museums here in Paris. The good news is that when my book hits the market, since it’s a memoir I decided that the best way to promote it would be to start a blog! I must tell you that you have been an inspiration, and I give you full credit in my memoir.I hope you and your family are well and safe and vaccinated. Warm regards, Judith
From Penny Reid on April 1, 2021

Too funny. I just read this today, which is April Fool’s Day — so appropriate!
From Les Myers on April 1, 2021

Thank you! I am really high strung about getting one of these!
From Judith Norell on April 1, 2021

I don’t want to be greedy, so I’ll take 4. I have 3 small granddaughters, all musical, and my younger daughter hopes to have another child = 4! A bargain, and an incentive to study music at the same time!
From Dan Brodsley on April 1, 2021

Do you mean “growing like hotcakes?” Happy birthday and April Fools’ Day – any connection? Dan
From Alan M Firestone on April 1, 2021

I misread the title and saw it as Safe, Safe, Safe and figured you got your second COVID shot. Anyway, happy April 1st.
From ulrike von moltke on April 1, 2021

sign me up, sign me up, quickly, for a hot-cake strad!
Can’t wait. Will send the check by mail.
And please make sure my brother-in-law, A.Steinhardt doesn’t hear about my purchase, he’s a fine fiddler of the old school and I know he wouldn’t approve.
I’ll be so proud to finally owning my own stradivarious, no matter I don’t know how to play it, to own it is the thing!
uvm
From KYRA MONTAGU on April 1, 2021

Happy APRIL FOOLS DAY young Arnold.
From David Niwa on April 2, 2021

This is, priceless !
From Rohan on April 2, 2021

Happy April Fools! I love your wit and humor!
From Jimmy Lin on April 2, 2021

Do you carry Giuseppe Notone also? I also was hoping to find some Antonio Stradivarious. The more -various, the better.
From Elena Rodriguez on April 2, 2021

I’m not always late to a party but I missed this one. I feel like a FOOL!
From Judith Mitrani on May 6, 2021

Happy belated birthday ?

About

When I first posted stories about music on my web site, I assumed that there would be just a handful of things to write about. Now, more than four years later, I'm still writing. This has everything to do with the nature of being a musician. When musicians get together, we inevitably have stories to tell about music, musicians, concerts, audiences, instruments, travel, food, and ever so much more. We talk about the great moments, the disasters, what was memorable, forgettable, hilarious, and unexpected. The stories seem never ending and never less than engaging. I plan to keep writing. I hope you will keep reading.